Hello! I haven’t really blogged in awhile for so many reasons, none of which are that I’m done blogging.
We had a tough November and December for the most part – both Wes and I had different health things pop up, and my grandpa passed away. On top of that, I was working and being a mom, so blogging just didn’t really get any attention.
Jack turned 1 on Christmas Day – for those who missed it, here’s a picture of him with his first birthday cake:
But today begins a new year. I thought I’d be writing a post about looking ahead, but honestly, I felt more drawn to looking at what I’ve learned over the past year. Some are legit pieces of wisdom with deep meaning and some are just silly.
I learned pretty early on that being hungover is even worse when you have a baby. Thanks, St. Patrick’s Day 2017.
I learned that there are no “sick days” for moms – we are always on the job, even when we don’t feel well.
I learned that when God wants you to do something, He will not let you off the hook until you do it. Story:
When my grandpa passed away November 30th, I had to decide how I was getting to Dallas for his funeral. Would I fly or drive? For those who don’t know, I am terrified of flying. It is my number one fear these days.
Yes, I am very aware it is the safest means of travel. It has nothing to do with that. Quite frankly, unless you have a fear or suffer from anxiety, you probably won’t get it. And that’s fine. But I can promise you, those of us who struggle with panic attacks, anxiety, and fears wish we didn’t and wouldn’t be the way we are if we could change it. At least I wouldn’t. And yes, I’ve been to counseling for my fear of flying, and yes, I’m going back to deal with it more. Maybe I’ll write a whole post on it one day.
Anyway—I knew God was telling me I needed to fly. But I so didn’t want to. And He kept putting Jonah on my mind. Flying was my Nineveh. And as soon as He gave me that picture, I realized that if I ran by driving, He would send a whale my way. I didn’t want to deal with a whale by myself, so I chose to fly. I tried to get out of it many times, but He kept pushing me.
But the Lord was gracious: He put amazing people in my life to help me during the flights (thank goodness for wi-fi in the sky). We also flew in and out of Atlanta, meaning it was a shorter flight than normal.
I still hate flying. It terrifies me. But I knew I was supposed to fly, and I’m glad I did. See, when we trust God and we obey, it usually goes well. And if it doesn’t, that’s only in “our” terms. God’s plan is always better than our own, even when we don’t think it is. That’s how I get by. That’s how I got on a plane. I may have cried on both trips—like a lot and in front of strangers—but I still trusted Him, and I think God honored that.
Okay, back to things I learned… (maybe that should have been its own post lol)
I finally figured out (at least I think I did) why God had Jack be born on Christmas. Again, for those who don’t know, when I was pregnant, I basically kept saying I’d be happy as long as Jack wasn’t born on Christmas Day. Well.. he was. And of course I wasn’t mad at God because I had a healthy baby boy, but I still was just like, “Oh gosh, this sucks.”
I struggle with control—that’s why I have the whole fear of flying thing (well part of it). Since I lost my mom when I was 12 in a sudden way (car accident), I have tried to control my life ever since. It just doesn’t work. I’m still learning this. And God having Jack born on Christmas was a nice way of saying, “Uh yeah, I’m in charge, not you. My timing is perfect. It will be okay.”
Friends, we just celebrated Christmas AND Jack’s birthday, and guess what? It was okay. Truly. And in the coming years, it will be okay.
I know I’ve learned a lot of other things this year, like the fact that food is better at room temperature (for the most part – shoutout to Sheila for that one). Also that going to bed at 7:30 isn’t lame (I did that at least twice this year, a definite first for me).
2018 is going to look really different, I think. Jack is starting to walk, soon he’ll be talking. I’ll be continuing to write, but I’m also adding some new ventures into my life.
I used to think that a new year meant a new start and that “anything is possible.” I think I might have even thought that up until this past weekend. But Wes wisely pointed out that a new year doesn’t mean anything, January 1st is just another day. This isn’t a “downer” comment, it’s actually really relieving. It means that we are capable of doing anything at anytime—we don’t need a “new” year to make changes.
So as I look towards this new year—yeah, I have goals. I’m really trying to lose weight (see this blog if you want to know more about that). I’ve gotten back into counseling again. I went almost a year without going, and it’s definitely time to get back. No dramatic reason, it’s just really healthy to check in and adjust things (like working on fears and things of that nature).
A few days ago I would have said, “2018 is going to be SO much better than 2017.” But today, I say, “2018 will be as good as I make it.” If I want it to be a “good” year, I have the ability to do so. All it takes is to be content with what I already have. I’ve always struggled with that, but again, I think I’m finally learning. So maybe this time next year I’ll have a reflection post on 2018, and I’ll have a nice update on that.
But until then, I hope you’ll keep up with me here to see what’s going on in my life.